We live in a number-obsessed society. We’re told to start a career by X, get married and have kids by X, make six figures by X etc…the list goes on. Given how much pressure there is to meet a whole bunch of milestones by a certain age, everybody feels pressure sometimes — especially women.
Recently, I’ve been relying on a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) technique called thought records to help me deal with that when I, too, feel the pressure. Thought records help me stay mindful of my thoughts, question them, and ultimately come up with a more balanced, rational assessment.
Here are a few thoughts I came up with recently that helped me challenge my own unhelpful thinking the other day and feel better. I’ll keep adding more as I think of more, but just wanted to share a few in the meantime.
Thought: My birthday is approaching and there is so much I’ve not done. I am a failure.
EVIDENCE FOR:
If I wasn’t a failure, I wouldn’t need to constantly reassure myself with thought records like these or through therapy.
A lot of people in society would think I’m a failure because I haven’t met certain milestones by a certain age.
EVIDENCE AGAINST:
OR could it be that one set of beliefs has had a far more time to cement themselves in your head than another? You’ve had a little over thirty years of being exposed to and believing negative societal beliefs, whereas have only had a few years to question them.
What everybody in society believes isn’t always helpful, rational, or true. Sometimes society believes silly, irrational things. Society, for instance, struggles with things like racism, sexism, etc…
Also, even societal ideas of success are constantly changing. For example, there was once a time in history when women who even tried having a career were looked down upon – and certainly, a failure if her ambitions came at the expense of her family.
Sheena Vasani 